Wedding dress, photographer, cake: must be a divorce party
Trashing wedding dresses at a "divorce party camping weekend". Photo posted by Kris Krug on Flickr.
An unusual trend is taking off in marriage-weary countries. Why mourn your failed marriage, when you can celebrate your divorce?
While it's been growing in popularity in North America for the past few decades, the "divorce party" is now flourishing in the UK too. From swanky London cocktail bars to your local Mexican eatery, venues are enticing the recently-divorced to play their wedding video backwards and trash the white frock. Wearing T-shirts proclaiming 'Free as a bird', and tucking into cake depicting the horrible death of the ex-partner, revellers can well and truly bury their marriage in a 'wedding ring coffin'. While specialist divorce party organisers tend to target women, "gentlemen's clubs" are also getting in on the act. And the whole thing can be captured by a divorce photographer.
A far-cry from the days in which divorce was taboo or induced pity, the parties celebrate a "new you" and announce being "back on the market". The high profile divorce parties of British glamour model Katie Price on a 12 hour bender in Ibiza and American actress Shanna Moakler, with her three-tier divorce cake depicting the bride shoving the groom to his doom, could partly explain how this new celebration has become de rigeur. The "divorce industry" is simply no longer the domain of solicitors and therapists.
Almost half of UK marriages now break up and figures indicate that divorce parties are celebrated mainly by people going through the process for the second time. Divorce parties may be in its infancy in the UK (most party organisers admit business is not brisk, yet) but the business joins the post-divorce dating agencies, divorce self-help books and divorce gift lists offered by some large department stores, in this burgeoning market.
Above, an advert for Texan divorce party organisers. Posted here.
Posted on Flickr by "wwhyte 1968" on Oct. 8, 2008.
“My divorce was the most self-loving thing that I had done for a long time”
Alexis Flanagan, a holistic (whole-body homeopathic) health therapist from Washington DC who divorced after ten years of marriage, celebrated her legal separation in 2008.
My divorce was the most self-loving thing that I had done for a long time. I could re-evaluate what was important in my life. Just two years into my marriage I had realised it was not what I wanted. But I was stuck in my toxic marriage for ten years, of which nearly four was going though the legal process which is particularly complicated in the State of Maryland. I felt liberated - of course I was going to celebrate! I detached myself from the church which had kept me in an unhealthy relationship and I guess the divorce led me indirectly to the career I'm now in as a holistic health therapist, which encourages people to take their own decisions.
Whether I find the industry growing around divorce tacky? I guess some of it is opportunistic on the part of companies, and I didn't go in for any of that kind of thing. But it does help normalise divorce in our society. No-one goes into a relationship thinking it will break down. I think we have to acknowledge the reality of divorce. I wouldn't begrudge anyone celebrating their divorce and regaining control of their lives."
The icing on the cake
Photo posted on Flickr by "cdgleason", April 24, 2009.
Posted by "Yummies 4 Tummies" Aug. 15, 2008.
Posted by "samlevin" Sept. 16, 2009.
Posted by Luiz. C. Sept. 26, 2009.
Comments
I agree that the cakes are
Submitted by Unregistered user (not verified) on Sat, 20/03/2010 - 21:44.I agree that the cakes are offensive, but that's not what the article was about. Some relationships, including marriages, don't always work out. Instead of moping about, some what to celebrate a new beginning. What's wrong with that? No one wants their marriage to fail, but if it does, why not take on the rest of your life with a positive attitude?
divorce parties
Submitted by captaingrumpy on Thu, 18/03/2010 - 10:32.What a disgusting attitude to take of the failure of a relationship where people are hurt and sometimes never recover. It is most disturbing for the trauma placed on the head of the children. They never forget the atmosphere of their parents divorce,and carry it all their lives. Shame on you for making a childs life so self serving. I am not amazed at your divorce if this is any indication of the effort you put into it. I've been married for thirty six years.Not all happy and joyous but I am proud of still loving my wife. You are a self serving mongoloid that probably wanted everything to be served on a silver platter without any work on your part.You do NOT deserve happiness,and I hope your partner is a little more polite about it.
What a nasty person you must
Submitted by Unregistered user (not verified) on Thu, 18/03/2010 - 10:51.What a nasty person you must be. There's a difference between a marriage you have to work at and the toxic, religiously suffocating marriage that Alexis describes.
Divorces may be necessary at
Submitted by Unregistered user (not verified) on Sun, 14/03/2010 - 21:19.Divorces may be necessary at times, but to celebrate the failure of one's marriage hardly seems appropriate, or at least in such an ostentatious display.
I understand the desire to celebrate a new freedom, and perhaps that isn't so bad, but the divorce pageantry ought to be removed from it.
Divorce does not merit a party
Submitted by Gina (not verified) on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 20:10.For all the talk of abusive relationships and forced marriage, I find it interesting that these divorce parties take place in Western societies where women are free to chose their own husbands. Keeping exceptions in mind, why don't people take a better look at the person they are devoting their lives to instead of keeping in mind that divorce is always an option?
"Death to the ex" and "celebrate me for getting that jerk out of my life" attitudes are more selfish than anything. There's nothing mature, cool or sexy about selfishness. And this has nothing to do with women's rights- it has to do with the persistence, love and compromise it takes to make a marriage work with someone whom you have given your word to.
Divorce rips families in two. Closure from it should involve reflection, not partying with girlfriends.
I totally agree that it is
Submitted by Unregistered user (not verified) on Wed, 17/03/2010 - 13:40.I totally agree that it is selfish and not to be celebrated. It destroys families and depicting the ex-husband's death / doom .. that's disgraceful. You may not love him or get on but to go that far? - you dont have to dishonour the person, they are still a human being with worth whether you see them like that or not.
Well said! I couldn't agree
Submitted by Jennifer (not verified) on Mon, 15/03/2010 - 13:42.Well said! I couldn't agree more.
Great Idea!
Submitted by Unregistered user (not verified) on Wed, 10/03/2010 - 18:55.There are good ways in which one can move on in their life, and this is one of them. Instead of stalking your ex and crying because you got divoced, you have your party and then officially move on. We dance at funerals and this helps the bereaved family members deal with the situation. Nothing wrong with celebrating the death of a relationship, it gives the celebrating person permission to move on with his or her life.
As for the businesses taking advantage, why not? Money is there to be made. This should not be a phenomenon confined to the west. Men and women around the world sigh in relief when a particularly dissapointing marriage comes to a conclusion. They should celebrate.
"Nothing wrong with
Submitted by Unregistered user (not verified) on Wed, 17/03/2010 - 13:48."Nothing wrong with celebrating the death of a relationship" ... i'm sorry .. WHAT?!?!! What part of this sentence is truth or right?! What could possibly be right about celebrating the death of a relationship? We are designed and made to be in relationships! Whether that's family, husband + wife, Parent + child, friends etc.
celeberations
Submitted by Unregistered userjoseph walker (not verified) on Wed, 10/03/2010 - 16:09.Well expected from silly western women,cant be help,when God was giving out brains ,western women were left with a few brain cells missing.These gulliable creatures are deluded by the present crap in our media and broadcasting,who have put them on a pedastle.2 percent of womwn make it to the top ,but it dosnt compensate for latter misery for women who have become idiotic in chasing an ambition which is an empty way of life for women.